i changed my mind.

So we went to the pedi on Monday like I last posted about. After talking to the doc about it and doing the usual blood work and weight check, she suggested I either go on a very bland diet or give the specialty formula a try. I already knew I would rather do the specialty formula, so she sent me home with 4 cans of it to try out for the rest of the week.

That evening, I made him his first bottle. He made the most horrendous faces when I fed it to him (I don't blame him, it stinks to high heaven) and wouldn't eat very much of it. He did end up sleeping pretty well that night though. On Tuesday, it was more of the same. He wasn't eating as much of it as I thought he should be (he was only taking around 2 oz or so each feeding). By Tuesday evening, he was doing a little better but I started to notice a diaper rash creeping up on us.

Through all of that though, I never anticipated missing BF. And that's exactly what happened. The first time I fed him a bottle, it broke my heart. And I realized I wouldn't get to experience the bonding time that BF gives us for quite a while. That night, I cried when I fed him. And again the next morning. It hit me way harder then I ever imagined it would.

By this morning, I broke down and nursed him. I just couldn't take it anymore. It didn't help that I could tell he wasn't tolerating the bottles and formula well. I could hear him sucking air and he cried and cried as I fed him his early morning bottle. So I nursed him. And he latched on a like a champ, went to town, and then passed out.

So I called the pedi back this morning and asked her if I could give the dairy free diet more time. I had read that you should really give it a few weeks to work itself out. But I was so impatient and hating the dairy free thing so much, that I was ready to quit after just a week. Now I realize just how much BFing means to me. So in that sense, it's good that I got to experience that. And the pedi agreed with me and said I could go back to nursing and being dairy free if I wanted. She also suggested I give it 2 more weeks from today. So that's what I'm going to do. I will just have to learn to be patient in this process and hopefully he will go back to having his normal dirty diapers.

And from now on, I will cherish the time I spend BFing him.